Why My Dog is Better Than Yours

About four years ago, I started begging Troy for a puppy.  He was unmoved and continued to say no...no matter how many promises the girl and I made to him...we were at a complete standoff.  In comes a dog named Miley.  Miley was this beautiful golden retriever that belonged to a childhood friend.  She had this beautiful coat, was a friendly and loving dog and she was pregnant.  Her owner had bred her with another golden retriever and she was due in the early spring (March - 2011).  I decided to pull out the big guns.  I convinced Troy that life would be miserable if I didn't get to have one of these puppies.  After much more begging and pleading...he finally agreed.  I waited impatiently in Vermont while Miley remained pregnant in Maine.  I recieved updates weekly (ok...daily) and when Miley finally went into labor, her owner was away and so her sister (another close friend of mine) helped birth the babies. The second the number 5 dog was born and I got the pictures (as they were in progress), I knew I wanted her.  She was so much darker than the other puppies....this dark golden that reminded me of the sunsets I viewed while in Africa.  As weeks progressed, I made the trek back to Maine as often as I could.  The kids of the Maine family had started calling my baby girl, Hot Dog because of her coloring and my daughter soon had to step in and remind them...it was our dog and its name was Loopy.  Why Loopy?  Well, when we decided to get this dog, it was on the understanding that Troy was going to have a hand in the naming of the puppy.  His name of choice was Lupidus.  Lupidus?  Yeah.  Lupidus.  Named after the pilot on the show, Lost.  Of course, knowing that we were going to be getting a GIRL dog, the girl and I decided to abbreviate the name and call her Loopy.  And if we only had known the fact that the name would fit her to a tee.

A week before getting Loopy from Maine for good, I fell down my stairs and broke my shoulder....shattered it actually.  I had to have emergency surgery and had a metal plate and 8 screws put in it to keep it together.  I returned home in a lot of pain, not being able to work or even move.  I spent my hours in a recliner drugged up on narcotics (or opiates...whatever) and cried a lot.  The next week was the date I was supposed to get Loopy and bring her home and it was also my birthday weekend.  My cousin offered to drive me to Maine and I spent the weekend with some of my besties and Loopy.  Bringing Loopy home was the easy part.  Keeping her from causing me excrutiating pain was a bit harder.  She was definitely my dog from the beginning....jumping up into my lap and staying their for hours (sometimes without moving to go pee...pleasant when you can't move much) and when I eventually could sleep on the couch (I couldn't sleep in the bed because I couldn't be on my back so I slept on my good side and Troy packed me in with pillows.  We weren't crate training Loopy yet and so she spent most nights sleeping on my broken shoulder while I drifted out of painful sleep.  There were many nights in which Troy and to come out because I was crying so hard but couldn't move the dog because there was no way for me to get to her.  Eventually things started to move a bit better and Loopy still was at my side constantly.  She would walk up and down my road without a leash and was THE cutest thing ever.  We made frequent trips back to Maine so she could see her mom and sisters/brothers and I realized quickly that she was going to be a naughty dog.  While the other puppies played and chased each other, Loopy played harder and tackled the other dogs.  She never came when she was called and she was constantly chewing on rocks and other such things.

At home, her behavior wasn't much better.   She was obsessed with underwear and socks.  She chewed holes in the wall if I was out of her sight (even if it was just in the bathroom with the door closed.)  She chewed on our molding, our chairs, our blankets.....she chewed on EVERYTHING except the dog toys she was supposed to chew on.  She devoured plastic bottles, she destroyed any somewhat weak dog toy.....and she constantly chewed on our cat.  We kept being told that things would get better...that she would grow out of it.  She turns 3 this month and she STILL chews up socks and facecloths.  She still will rip a blanket to shred if you turn your back.  Troy gets frustrated at her and threatens to find her a new home (which he never would) but honestly....I couldn't love her any more.  She still sits completely on my lap (even at 75 pounds) and she won't let me go to bed (even for a nap) unless she is right beside me, touching me in some way.  Our nightly routine is she paces outside the bathroom until I'm ready to go to bed....she then follows me into bed....waits for me to lie down and get my CPAP mask on and then collapses against me....not allowing me to move.  She lies there until later on in the night, Troy comes in and gets her to kennel her for the night.  He says its almost always a fight and most nights I wake up to her trying to burrow into my side to keep from being taken out of the room.

I have loved dogs before.  I had two, Muffin and CadyDog that were my loves.....but Loopy has this part of my heart that I can't imagine ever letting go of.  She is MY dog.  She makes me happy on my shittiest of days and when I cry she licks my tears off my face until I laugh.  She is a great cuddler and loves my daughter enough to let her brush the knots out of her hair and play with her on the ground.  I don't know what I would do without this dog.  I hope she lives until she's 40.  :)

Loopy turns three in a few weeks.  It seems like yesterday she was in her crate in my car on the way home from Maine.  She was such a cute puppy and has grown into such a beautiful and wonderful dog.  It doesn't matter how naughty she is.....I don't think I could ever think a bad thing about her....she's my mess....she's my pain in the ass.  She's all mine.  Love you Loopy.

In the coffee shop...

I am sitting in the local coffee shop with my daughter.  She really likes lattes and mochas and I never let her have them....but since this is our vacation...I decided to let her go a little "wild."  This coffee shop   holds a special place for me.  Its the first place I did stand up....it is the first true business I've invested in.  I feel good here....everyone seems to know me and I don't feel out of place or like a stranger.

It is my vacation and even though we have like 10 days off, I don't know if I will return to work refreshed.  I'm so stressed out about the way the school is reorganizing and I'm still in fear for my job.  Its a long story that I won't get into but not knowing if you'll have a job next year is stressful.  I need to find some way to make my mantra: "Just do what you love and the chips will fall..."   If you truly know me...you know this goes against EVERY ounce of my nature.

I think I have found a new topic in my stand up.  I'm thinking of going over different rules for speaking with fat girls that are your friends.  AND talking about different things that happen when you're overweight that we learn to shrug off (Like when my plumber yesterday thought I said my email was redsoxfatgirl instead of redsoxBatgirl)  

I need more concentration to come up with a blog post that people will want to read....so I'll be back later!!

Big thoughts in a small town....

I grew up in a small town.  My parents and brother hunted as well as many of my guy friends.  I was comfortable around guns...I never felt threatened and in my life, no one abused the priviledge of "the right to bear arms."  I'm not pro-gun.  I understand in other areas of the world, gun control is life or death.  I understand that many hunters and sports people think that those of us that want more gun control are a bunch of liberal hippies who have no idea about their "culture."  I think its foggier than that.  I think hunters and sports people shouldn't have a problem waiting to get a gun.  I don't think that hunters and sports people should have a problem with background checks.  I think hunters and sports people need to stop getting their panties in a bunch.  There is no political party (that has enough numbers to matter) wants to take ALL guns away.  Or even MOST guns away.  I think both parties are pro-gun.  I don't see gun control taking the forefront of any Congress bill or law.  I just don't understand the whole "the forefathers gave me this right" argument.  I think that if you study history at all you'd realize that that's just not true.  The forefathers were coming off of a WAR.  A war where soldiers were housed in their private homes and things were a bit different as far as society goes.  I don't think that waiting to get a gun....or making sure background checks happen is mind blowing.  If you're a hunter...do you NEED a gun right then?  Are the deer and turkey going to run away if you have to wait a day?  Or if hunting season is almost over....maybe you should plan better?  I know this is a topic that people are divided on but I think my position is one that is the best plan for better safety plans in this world of handguns and automatic weapons.  I always used to argue that if you need a semi-automatic to shoot a deer....you need more practice.  What sort of sportsman are you if you need 8 shots to get a deer to die?  Take some lessons.

This conversation was sparked by a comment I made on Facebook about the gun show in my town.  As much as people don't want to link gun shows with lenient laws....they should TRULY do the research.  In Vermont we are lucky to have gun enthusiasts who understand the importance of background checks.....and luckily this gun show has that.  My town has a numerous amount of ex-cons and drug addicts.....I made the point I just didn't think the gun show should take place here.  SOme of my friends made some pretty good arguments....but my point wasn't to debate gun control....I was just making an observation in a town that has enough criminal activity to no longer resemble the Vermont that people think of when they think of Vermont.  Like I said before, I did some research and was pleased to find out that this gun show has some integrity.  It makes me feel a bit safer.

Another argument that I can't stand is the arguement that "every town has these problems....we are not an enigma" even thought most people who say this wouldn't know the word enigma if it jumped out of the dictionary and punched them in the face.  I don't give a shit what other towns are like.  I don't care if "this is the way the world is going.."  I live in New England because of the safety factor.  I have lived in Maine and Vermont because I truly feel that raising kids here is better.  I hate snow.  BUT...I put up with this shitty weather and the depression it weighs on top of me because I want my daughter to grow up with a safe environment.  My town is not a safe environment.  We need to clean the town up.  We need to start by making sure the major isn't making financial gains off of the scum that live in his flophouses.  We need to make sure that we start working on bringing in a bigger employer into the area so that we have less people who have no pride.  We need to have a bigger police force.  Yes, these things cost money....but the people who bitch the most about taxes need to either shut up about the crime rate or pay up.  This is our FUTURE we are talking about.  

I know I'm wound up about this issue.  I think a lot of it is my low tolerance for people who can't see their hand in front of their face.  Another issue is that I feel helpless.  I don't know what I can do.  But I feel that talking about it gets the ball rolling...doesn't it?

Misunderstanding?

Sometimes I have an incredibly hard time relating to people.  Most of my friends share my dark side humor and my ability to be sarcastic about anything.  In my work, I can completely relate to the students, not ONLY because I share in their maturity but also because they are so REAL.  They haven't fully learned the technique of passive aggressiveness or condescension. 

I think that being a people person is overrated.  Most of my comedy comes from experiences I have had with people that I can't stand.  They make great material.  Yes, I do wish I had more tolerance.  I wish "turning the other cheek" ran in my blood.  But it doesn't.  I'm a brooder.  Already, I'm plotting to ruin the life of the person who drove in front of me today into work.  I don't know the person....but it makes me feel better to think that someday I'll be able to act out my secret plan.

Part of my anger, I think, is that I live in a town that has SO much potential but is a total shithole in some places.  There is a square block of buildings that serve NO purpose except to house the most vile creatures.  The ones who can't afford/aren't allowed to rent anywhere else.  Ex cons, drug dealers, violent offenders.  Yeah....the cream of the crop.  We have had numerous armed robberies in the past few weeks.  This guy puts blue tape on his face to hide his identity (I'd like to go all CSI on his ass and find out where he's buying the goddamn blue tape) and so people are calling him the Blue Tape Bandit.  Yeah.  Its catchy...I know.  So anyway...this guy has held up numerous mom and pop joints, a Medicine Shoppe and a Rite Aid.  One of the stores he was in, he was told by this kick ass lady that there was no money and that she didn't believe he had a gun.  He left empty handed.  I'd like to think if that was me I would have coaxed him close to the counter and then BANG, hit him over the head with the cash register or something.  IN reality, I probably would have pissed my pants and given him everything he wanted.  A bunch of community people got together last night to talk about how to solve the problem.  We recognize, as a community that we just don't have enough policemen.  And I don't even want to think about criticizing the boys in blue....I just wish that they were a bit faster....

So, right now I think I'm going through a hateful, "why can't people who are sinister, or even creepy, just die" phase.  I'm not one to think of mass programs of sterilization (well, maybe a few times a day) but there has to be a way to break these people so when they come out they just drool and order pizza.  I mean, we are supporting them anyway right?  Might as well support them AND not get screwed in the process.  You know what I mean?  Maybe not.

What an angry post.  So let me think of something nice to say:

Today is Friday.  Because of that, I get to leave work at the end of the day and put on pj's and shut out the world :)  How is THAT for nice?

The Little Things

While contemplating my future (my job, my daughter's homework, dinner for tonight) I realized that one of the reasons why I want to disappear into my bed under the covers, is that I have NO coping mechanism.  I don't horse ride (only because I don't have a horse) and I hate exercising so its not like I could go for a run (and please don't comment that I could...because I COULDN'T...take my word on that).  I don't knit.  I don't box.  I don't write angry poetry (and you wouldn't want to read it even if I did.)  All I have is this blog.  It seems a bit lonely as its like I'm talking to empty space....but I need an outlet.  (other than randomly buying gaudy purses that I use for a few weeks.)

I'm working at a place that is falling apart at the seams (NAME THE 70's SONG).  Three resignations, one position eliminated and other co-workers who plan to move on.  In a business/office situation this may be everyday shit...but in this profession....it can make or break an occupation.  I'm in this limbo around my job as well (long story but the person who I replaced is being reinstated after almost 2 years)....and the people who are leaving were part of a support system I had in place.  I finally had started to feel like I was progressing in my profession.  So what do I want to do?  I want to plead and beg.  I definitely want to cry.  I want to eat everything in site.  I want to get away.  I want to sleep.  I'm drowning in my own goddamn misery.

So here I am...writing on this blog and hoping that someone reads this and can give me words of wisdom.  I don't want the freakin chin up buttercup or "things could be worse" talk....you will receive a kick in the teeth if you do that.  What I want is hardcore advice.  Whether its on what I can do to unleash this unhappy demon inside of me.....or something a bit more reasonable....I'm searching for that silver lining.  I'm looking for goddamn Vitamin D. 

One of my friends told me I should include a video blog on this.  and I just may do that. 

The beginning

So, I'm trying it again.  Blogs are so nonexistant in this Facebook/Twitter world that finding people to read what I write is like giving out icecream so someone will be your friend.  For about 7 years, I kept a blog going that I updated quite frequently.  I had regular readers and actually met a few people who I wouldn't have known except through my blog (in fact my ex husband married one of them:))  But I've had the hankering to start writing again.  I don't plan on changing the world or winning some writing award.....I just sometimes like to get my thoughts down and make people smile OR relate.

So, who am I.  I'm a thirtysomething, mother of one who spends her day leading the youth of tomorrow and spends some nights doing stand up comedy.  I'm not the funniest person out there but I think I crack up some people with my humor.  I have been married and divorced (hence my ex hooking up with a blog friend)  and now have a long time partner, two dogs, one cat (with a perpetual cold) and a daughter who is acting more and more like me as she grows up (much to my chagrine.)

I also suffer from depression and anxiety.  I also fall into the S.A.D. category because I live in a state that doesn't get much vitamin D from the sun.  This depression and anxiety has been in my life for quite a few years now and with just enough drugs and therapy, I can lead a pretty normal life.  However, there might be a dark side to this blog.  I know there will be an angry side as I have massive road rage and I really hate drivers of Pontaics.

I hope to get a few followers and loyal readers...let's see!!!